Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. He could've at least waited a week after coming back! Guy Friday Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? Abandoning a child does. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. If you are sure to always love, support, and listen to your child, he/she will be just fine! Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. I dont think anyones saying that. Consider the consequences or dont. It will never be equal. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. Or so so many of you all keep saying. What if she believes than an abortion is murder? If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? Your choice. Share your opinions and thoughts below! But I think that both people have equal responsibility and equal rights in expressing a view. That support is not hers. honeybeenicki 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S. There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened! The dude having sex is not my issue. LMAO. If the father is ready to accept 100% responsibility for his actions and keep the child, but the woman, not ready for motherhood, wants to abort the child and move on, what do we call this woman? Hes 40 and he doesnt want a child. His girlfriend got pregnant, they got engaged, realized they didnt work as a couple, they decided it was in the best interest of the child if he was not a part of her life in any way, shape, or form, and so he signed some legal documents waiving all parental rights to the child, which absolved him of any responsibility to provide child support. I want to get angry but I don't know if it's considered cheating. Its not that fucking hard. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life?. Mmmhmm, I thought so. Your statement that she would not allow him to see his kids indicate that he has more than one child. Weeks. And hopefully this childs mother will, too. April 10, 2012, 5:35 pm. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. AndreaMarie So your boyfriend said he doesnt want anything to do with his own child (besides the child support) and you didnt run screaming the other way? Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicatetrying to stay friends. But then Id be haunted with the thought that I could have frozen BETTER sperm than the sperm I froze before tying the tubes and will always wonder if my children could have been better. Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and LIKE Terrance Dean on Facebook, clickHERE! This whole thing could have been prevented that way. But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. When choosing adoption, I think youve made a conscious decision that your child will be better off being parented by people other than you. He didnt marry you. And yet men still keep having sex with us. Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when? Listen, people have sexcasuallyand sometimes with people they never hope to see again. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. And he has agreed to support the child financially. April 10, 2012, 5:53 pm, Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. P.S. If women insist on compelling child support from the man, then dont whine if society insists that women support the child until birth. Thats reality. The guy had sex with someone who got pregnant. honeybeenicki Rachel, I have a child in the same situation. It could fail. Any 40 year old man thats in the habit of jumping into bed with a woman who claims shes on BC after knowing her for 2 min is so dirty, Id be afraid to touch him much less get back in a relationship with him. If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. And _JSW_, if youre reading this too, thanks for an interesting evening. SweetsAndBeats The outlet revealed that Tristan's third child, a baby boy, is due on December 3 . female However, sure, something unexpected and life-altering happened to him, and hes upset, so surely hes an idiot. So, to be clear, every woman who has had an abortion is, in your mind, an immature asshole. the thing is, he has a 4 yr old daughter. I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. Where does the stork fit in? Im an okder Dude but thats what we used to do. because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. The guy and the woman had sex. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. the manchild gene!! But it also ought to be her responsibility. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. BUT. Addie Pray Im not a lawyer, or in any way familiar with the law about these things, so my assumption is based on what a friend told me first hand about his experience. Its still good advice if the letter his fake, actually, since there certainly are people in this situation. bittergaymark What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. Because otherwise, society would, if you could never work again and started collecting welfare, etc. You know, I dont have much patience this morning, so I (somewhat) apologize if my reply reeks of snark. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. Even if you had a vasectomy. Its a crappy scenarios but shit happens, and theres really nothing YOU can do about it. As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have. You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. If youre going to be all bent out of shape if the stranger youre sleeping with has your baby then Id ask for a hand job instead. Jess of CGW April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill. And this is the problem with having sex in a non-monogamous relationship and not fully protecting yourself. And as an adult who isnt ready to have children, either, I can empathize with his decision. LW, what happens if YOU get pregnant? Is this Twilight, for Gods sake? In the same situation currently. There is no 100 percent way to prevent pregnancy. John Rohan Not with hormonal BC, not with 2 methods of BC, not when one of the individuals has been sterilized. He can just disappear forever for all I care. I also think hes kind of a jerk for having sex with someone he cant stand. Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. But then again the child might be better off without such an jerk as a role model. bittergaymark Your constant blatant disregard for others is increasingly more and more shocking Plus it is only the heteros that are so steadfast and determined to keep fucking people like me over and over All the while, claiming they want smaller government Then get the FUCK out of my bedroom and out of my fucking life. At this point I dont think it matters how this woman got pregnant: she did. I accept that its the law, just like its the law that you basically have to get raped by an ultrasound device in Texas in order to get an abortion. So tough shit. Not your body, not your choice. "The best way to move through a breakup while pregnant is to let the feelings flow," says McDermott. sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. So this guy sleeps with the first gal that catches his attention, but he only has eyes for you? Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. Deal with it, ladies. April 9, 2012, 6:41 pm, bittergaymark And why do you think shes trying to trap him? I feel so depressed about everything. I mean, for starters, if I even had one unplanned baby while on the pill, Id probably not continue to use it. They are babies. Dude and LW split, Dude meets Lady, Dude and Lady go home together. Does that suck for some individuals who didnt want it in the first place? But still a good thing to have. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? Temperance But if she is not YOU need to decide if you can handle your boyfriend having a child with another woman. Terrance Dean. skyblossom That is what makes him a douchenozzle. Yes, he should have realized this was a possibility. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. Solved. Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. When he didnt come chasing after you when you moved you knew it was over and done with. Scan this QR code to download the app now. 1) Like it or not, men have one point where they can decide whether or not to risk becoming parents (ie before sex, they choose the degree of risk based on what, if any, precautions they take). April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! April 10, 2012, 6:58 pm. My inclination would be to run away from this guy as fast as you can. Sex makes babies and every time you have sex you run the risk of making a baby. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom.. It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. You can have a spirited and logical debate, and still keep it interesting and above board. Oh, in a perfect world, kerrycontrary He hides me as well as the other girl. Please do better. Or shes against abortion. [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. Abortion is incompatible with compelled child support. That happens. Fair or not, the facts are what they are. Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. My biological clock is so, so ticking!!!. He was there just as much as that woman was. If he wore a condom and if she was on the pill, hes an idiot because what? You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. And he shouldnt, either. Are you sure you are not living in a cheap novel? Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. I make no exception for men or women. Step away slowly. Is that fair to women? Really, people. caitie_didnt The pull out method? so we have a 8mth baby. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. Im happy to have found a father in my father-in-law, who has really become the dad I never had in that he loves me, supports me, listens to me, and even spoils me, haha! Hell pay for it but wants absolutely nothing to do with it. I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating. You may think your partner was a good person, but that something was missing in the relationship. evanscr05 just like anyone else we were shocked given i was on bc & for me abortion/adoption was just out of the question . How long his new relationship has lasted. Hey I have a novel idea. That is really fucked up. Roe v. Wade merely established that abortion is a privacy issues and that a womans right to choose what is done with her body takes precedent over the rights of a state to prevent abortion. After reading your comment, all I wanna say is, AfuckingMEN. But theres a huge amount of anger here over the fact that he didnt, even though theres no statement by the LW either way. . Bottom line. Hell, given the entitlement and lack of boundaries displayed in your letter, itll probably be your life no matter what. bittergaymark Not to mention raising the baby, which women are way way WAAAYYY more likely to do alone than men. Susie is lost. are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? When you two were engaged, he cheated and had a child by another woman. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. If you were instrumental in the making of the child congratulations it is yours. Life is unfair. No. Their choice, honey. female LW- your boyfriend is scum. April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. Have you ever seen an episode of the Maury show or any other talk drama show? I completely agree. Even people who do want to have one often suffer from some kind of depression or at least sadness. Drugs was just one theory to how she got that way. Though some women seem to believe that is the case. I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks laterhe was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. This is my question for you. First of all, they knew each other for two months, not two minutes. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. John Rohan Lucky us. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? Oops this was meant as a reply to Steve up there! End. And now that theres a pregnancy and the options arent his hes furious at the woman he impregnated because it isnt going the way he wants. (i.e. Get over yourself and get over him. Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. Given the particularities and context of any particular situation, there is a lot of unfairness to go around. And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. Placement deals with where they are physically. bittergaymark April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. In the case where a woman goes to prison because she raped a kid, you can bet theyre going to hit her up for child support too. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. Are sued for child support. April 10, 2012, 6:08 pm. You, Chuck, seem to think that this means that all women do that. Yep. Where exactly do you live? And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. Run. How does your law make this fair? Nor is there any guarantee that the woman who tells you that she doesnt want to have a baby wont change her mind when faced with that decision. And we dont really know that she actually said shes on the pill or if she is indeed really pregnant or if the lw truly wants him to go off and marry the other woman. April 10, 2012, 6:21 pm, And yet men still keep having sex with us. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have.. April 10, 2012, 9:34 am. If he was the kinda guy that decided he wanted to be in his childs life every 5 years when it was convenient and made promises that he never kept and lost interest after a while, that would be seriously damaging to that childs sense of self-worth. As a woman, you have control over that. Personally, it doesnt sound like shes trying to trap your untrappable boyfriend into a relationship YOU are trying to trap him, or get rid of him, by telling him he should stay with her because its his kid (and then you go around calling her (the mother of your BFs child) scoat and such very classy)! I know plenty of women who are exemplary parents. IMO there are probably better ways to deal w/ the more egregious incidents of paternity fraud. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. I have never heard anybody going through an unwanted pregnancy say they didnt take care. Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right? The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. April 10, 2012, 10:14 pm, if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. Abortion and adoption are both horrifying thoughts to Susie but she has no choice. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Ive done that on a number of occasions. Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together. iseeshiny Whether those parents planned it or not they need to be there for that kid and not just dump it becuase you feel like it. Hold the phone. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. Because hes treating the mother of his child, and his child, with such disdain and disregarding his responsibility to him/her. A better comparison would be a woman abandoning her child in a shelter, etc- and while Im happy there is an option for truly desperate people (who often have major issues, mental illness, abuse, etc), I do think that doing that rather than going through a traditional adoption channel is a pretty scummy thing to do. Yeah, Im with you, pretty much on all counts. We dont know that she asked for any money. My mother taught me better than that. thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". The guy has not opted out of a childs life. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. Its very clear that you care a great deal about the quality of your childs life and emotional well-being. I dont know how Im going to feel about this baby malarky. So, she went out, hooked up with someone she knew briefly (which a lot of people do) and accidently got pregnant. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. Aim for the face. But even though I led you to believe I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to have the baby anyway and thereby obligate you to two decades of support.. She will be lucky to have 50% of the day care costs alone paid for*. April 9, 2012, 11:40 am. Thus, her meal is tainted with traces of peanuts. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. He chose to roll the dice and take his chances with intercourse. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. So while support is gender-blind, the points that get you to the question of support arent, which kind of means support isnt either. He sounds a bit flakey. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. iseeshiny Let me fill you in on reality: when a guy sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill, he does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Privacy Policy. Im not a woman hater happily married for 15 years, and I love my mother, my sister and even my mother-in-law. Oh, me too! You can get pregnant on birth control! If you choose to live in an area known to be frequented by storks then you have no one but yourself to blame if you become a parent. Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. bittergaymark I feel in a way he is essentially giving the child up for adoptionto the mother who wants the child. I don't know my place anymore because he doesn't want to tell her we're back together. If you are so against men having to pay for a child they dont want that was nonetheless created by their penis couldnt you make this issue a hell of a lot easier by just telling your male friends to wrap it up? He doesnt want to be with you. Thats true, but by the same token, wait a bit (a few days or at least a full conversation) to see if you can get along with someone on a basic level before jumping into bed with them. Who then supports the child that the man made? Hes furious with the woman for keeping the child. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. Dude, thats seriously out of line. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): A That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. But the issue is when he decided not to pull out but bust a load into a strangerhe took on that risk of possibily having the responsibility to pay for a kid for the next 18 years. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. She loved him back then but broke up with him over this but went back to him 20 years later thinking he grew up.2016. In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). But thats a crime? Yes, its not a crime. April 9, 2012, 5:14 pm. Best of luck. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. John Rohan We all know breakups are painful. April 9, 2012, 4:18 pm. People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. That wont solve anything. He might very well be an immature asshole. Heres the fact: LW, you dont get a say in what this woman does, and neither does your boyfriend. I brought it up, that if *I* was the girlfriend, I would be bothered by this, in addition to his behavior post-conception. So sad that anyone would think its even necessary to implement such a system. If it were me, Id stay FAR away from someone as seemingly immature and callous as your exand Id get myself to therapy to deal with my OWN immaturity and callousness. let us know if he had). But let me make a few suggestions Steve. So much that he demanded his interim girlfriend get an abortion. Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Yes, its shitty. hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. Seriously this is skeeving me out. Waitplease have an abortion and i prefer you have an abortion aredifferent? April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Well technically for me it was the way he reacted to his potential child and nothing about the way he treated the LW or the woman in the letter. He says he cant stand her? Theres a fun scenario. I do think that in their blind rage, some of the commenters have backed themselves into the position that men become the property of any woman they sleep with, as well as their exs. lets_be_honest Steve Kellmeyer We learned that in middle school. Its very unfair. Now, again, I dont see why it is so hard to let him go, and why you cant move on. Sorry. I wont go into the reasons they came to this, (very long, and quite personal, story), but its entirely possible that if a women gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby though the father would prefer she abort, he DOES have the option to waive his parental rights and duties to the child and thus not be legally responsible for child support. is it illegal to kill a buzzard in texas, news articles with statistics and graphs 2021, contractile vacuole of paramecium in salt water,