If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter. Its worth considering if youre being overly sensitive or demanding. It feels very awkward and uncomfortable to discuss. Who knows the thinking behind it. But its wrong that a guy is insulting you, even if its jokingly, in front of his family member. Sounds like he is dating his sister but needs you as a front to seem normal. Dating someone with children is tricky but with some good communication and respect for the parent/child bong, your relationship can flourish. I don't see how any potential backfire could be worse than their current relationship. I can totally see how this is a nasty problem to have. She often complained of the same thing that he . His daughter will always be the most important person in his life. If you find your boyfriend nagging about his position in your life way too many times, you might want to know whats wrong! If this were like, a male friend in this dynamic rather than his sister it would feel just as upsetting and uncomfortable for you. Then you know hes not the one for you. I still think your boyfriends behaviour is a little bit too much with his sister though, but I dont know, people behave in all sorts of weird ways with their families! I think it's weird to go out constantly with your gf and never take her interests or wants into consideration. Theyre a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge. He wont understand the issue as he is disrespecting you by not asking for your preference and paying little attention to your feelings but rather he will interpret it as you trying to question or influence their relationship. Ok as a "spoiled little sister" (now in her 30s) who didn't actually have that close relationship with my older brothers, (but I know they love me/can be overprotective) I do think you're being a little insecure in all this. She is asking to not be the butt of his jokes to his sister, not be treated like the third wheel. A lot of the time we make assumptions about how our partner is feeling. Im sorry but thats just mean. But he makes hardly any effort to include her and keeps calling his sister to their own outings. Do that and you can make bad people good and good people bad. Accusations make people defensive and defensive people dont take criticism well. I see both extremes about equally tbh. It's his ignoring you that's bothering you and it's totally fair for you to feel that way. Maybe theyre waiting for you to choose your role in their world. Hi everyone! who doesn't love getting shit on? See how this goes. That's what your boyfriend's feeling with his friends. From one side, it's super weird if you invite your sister to do stuff with your gf every single time. If he wants to spend his dates with his sister. It's almost like your own private club, where the do's and don'ts are clearly laid out. Get out there and have it! This really sounds like the no MIL except with his sister this relationship isn't going to go far if he keeps his sister considerations above you. After an argument, you both need to find some common ground. Treat yourself with more respect. He's immature. Whatever unacceptable behaviour he does is strike one. In the talk, focus on how his actions affect you. Its nice that he likes his sister but my older brother wouldnt go out and buy me socks, unless its for Christmas or birthday. It isn't a healthy relationship. You might have been in his life just for a couple of months or years and you expect the exact bond they have? Do you fancy going to X, just us two? Also initiate where you want to eat sometimes. You definitely deserve to have alone time with your bf. If they eventually meet that potential and you meet again and date, cool. Only his presence annoys me so much. 1. But at the end of the day, ignoring someone giving them the cold shoulder, ghosting, stonewalling, shunning is a destructive pattern of behavior in a relationship. Lets be honest, its a pretty natural feeling when one sees that the one they love so close to somebody else be it that person is there sibling. When he ignores you, it means that you are less important to him. If he responds by spending more time on you and focusing a bit more on your relationship, great. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you did, would you ask them what they want to do and ignore your SO? I miss spending time just us and he tends to leave me out a lot when she is around. If he doesnt reply at all, then you know for sure he is ignoring you. Never think you need someones approval to feel a certain way. And whether it's a huge blow-out or something small, you're always going to have the urge to try and figure out why your boyfriend is ignoring you. They are SICK. Only hearing one side of the story makes it difficult to respond with any credibility. I dont think youre being too insensitive or insecure. You tend to interrupt conversations when he's talking to his friends. sure, try this makes me feel ignored & not supported - can you understand my perspective ? How he behaves with you around his family is also important. He seems too immature to meet your needs. I think this is a difficult part of life for some young people to separate themselves from their family and realize their priority should be their SO(in a healthy manner of course). Just because something could be worse by your standards doesn't mean anything, and saying hurtful things about someone you are supposed to care about just to make someone else laugh is not cool. Rude a.f You should back off so their relationship can blossom, (Im like 98% joking but fr regardless of whether or not their relationship is weird - which imo it is lol - your bf should never make you feel like a third wheel. One possibility is that he gets nervous around you in front of his friends, which happens to even the most secure people sometimes. He may just very well have an close bond with his sister. In answer to. 21 Feb. how to draw a family tree for kids. Ignoring you after an argument can be a way of your boyfriend icing you out to punish you. But if they're dating for 6 months-1 year or more and this kept going on, girl, what are you doing that you didn't have this talk with your guy?? You shouldnt date guys who are mean to you as a joke. If you're interested in what he's saying, show it! After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track. I cant help but think they have an incestuous relationship and you are the cover. No one should ever feel like the third wheel in their own relationship. If you havent heard of Relationship Hero before, its a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations. My therapist phrased it as no you statements: people dont like being told what theyre doing. Make it clear you support their relationship, and not mention anything that shows you're jealous or comparing. Someone might fit with that and enjoy that. Suggesting getting together is also going to make it clear if he has been ignoring you or not. But you can legit just leave this dude. If it was sister/sister brother/brother would people still make these gross assumptions? The perfect partnership isnt one thats conflict-free, its one that talks about solutions. Hope the best for you and the other people around here, Btw just thought of this maybe also talk to her she might feel you if you're good friends. OP, you're completely right to feel the way you do. OK this is blunt but I'm gonna say it. If it upsets her, then it's not caring. We get crazy and silly together, have a ton of inside jokes and probably shut others out without meaning to. Tread careful I feel like getting into sibling things can get dangerous. And making fun of you to make someone else laugh is just fucked up no matter who its for. Its typically more common in my experience for guys to struggle with this sort of thing with their moms. It can be devastating only seeing your daughter for a small amount of time each week or month so the time he can spend with her is precious. So don't do that lol. I was in her wedding, we get along super well! How do you feel about what Ive said? 41 victor street, boronia heights; what happened to clifford olson son; frank lloyd wright house for sale Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. It actually sound like he's creating further emotional connection with his sister and not his gf. All rights reserved. I don't think this is something to break up with him over, especially if you really like him. Last Updated July 12, 2022, 5:42 am. Most guys aren't going to tell you this reason to your face. How many chances and how much time you'll give him, is a decision you should make for yourself, but don't tell him. "He bought his sister socks and not me". Youve asked him how he feels, now its time for you to be honest with him too. I think you missed the entirety of what OP posted and that's why you're being down voted. when my boyfriend is with his friends, he completely ignores me, he doesnt text or call me, he makes no form of contact till the next day, half the time he doesnt even tell me when his going out. If you keep begging for forgiveness you give him all the power and control. Edit: clearly downvoted by those with crappy relationships with their siblings lol. I've seen a lot of bad advice on Reddit but this takes the cake. Ouch. Relationships can be confusing, especially if you and your boyfriend have trouble communicating effectively. Better to ditch him. You feel the need to call him until he finally picks up. Bring on the downvotes! Op doesn't have an issue with her bf being close with his sister. Theyre young and hes probably not mature enough to be in a relationship rn. That percentage will drop as you get older and life becomes more stressful and complicated, but as a rule of thumb, if you find yourself feeling unhappy about something more than half of the time, it's fix it or leave it. You might be doing it for social etiquette. Different rules apply. You should never ignore problems. Only his presence annoys me so much. Maybe he does it so she can have some fun, go out, whatever? This is a poor take. It makes you feel like a third wheellike you're not wanted. I'd just stop hanging out with them. Lack of self-esteem can be rooted in childhood traumatic incidents or body image issues. Both have different motivations behind them. The thing is: we always lived under kind of a strict situation at home. Absolutely. It is better to follow the mature steps of healthy communication discussed in this article, rather than get dragged into retaliation or revenge. Its a family member. You're all insecure, You sound like a horribly entitled person. And youre not going to keep sending him message after message for him to ignore or continue groveling about how sorry you are. Its not that mature, but if hes the super nice and sweet guy you say he is, he might just be having a third person around constantly to avoid being close to you. If you want to shape yourself the way your boyfriend would prefer, hit the gym. He could feel suffocated for many reasons. Your boyfriend is dating you for reasons that are far superior to physical. Op doesn't have an issue with the sister. Honestly youre young and you will get over it if you have to break up. I personally wouldn't stay in a relationship with a person who made me feel like the third wheel for any longer than necessary but ultimately the choice is yours. His behaviour is so so weird, he's acting like he has a crush on his sister. Amen. He's not going to distance himself from his sister for you, he has to want to do that himself. OP isn't asking for him to ignore his sister altogether. If you know for sure he is angry or moody over something, then he definitely could be giving you the silent treatment. Honestly I think you can save your breath on this one. Stop calling and texting him all the time. If your boyfriend seems to ignore you when he's with his friends, it may be because he feels embarrassed by your behavior or appearance when you're together with his friends. You aren't their therapist and don't owe him a damn thing. He may think that something bad will happen if he doesn't pay attention to you. I know I'd feel very awkward talking this one out. Once we left he asked what she wanted to eat and thats where we went. This is not your relationship and probably never was. There isn't any guarantee that you will be on his side forever but his sister will. My siblings and I are best friends. It's not like they are 12 or 13, by now he should be wanting to pursue a relationship OUTSIDE his bloodline. Why are you staying in this relationship if you feel like a third wheel? Just to communicate how she feels on this topic with him.